i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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