you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
