how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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