then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize