Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
