I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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