There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
