We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
