So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
