It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
time to smoke my breakfast
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
