Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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