I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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