You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize