I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize