You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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