I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
