I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
