How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
two words...techno handjob
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
