Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
