I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
