I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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