I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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