He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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