Kiss
Puke
youre lurking in front of me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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