Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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