Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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