fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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