sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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