just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
