FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
