This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
