This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
