Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She announced her abortion via fbk
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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