no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
