He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
