I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
