Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
