You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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