There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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