Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My vagina is officially offended.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
