Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
high people should be assigned attendants
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
