update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
