Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
