i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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