Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
