It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
