Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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