After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
