Kiss
Puke
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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