the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
