How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
