thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize