I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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