I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my poor anus
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
