Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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