fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
