we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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