what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
