fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
