I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
