i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
