Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
