This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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