Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize