Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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