I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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