Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
