so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
