sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
MIDGETS
????
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
