You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
