Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
