You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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