well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
