It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
