Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
