i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
