I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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