he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize