It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
