my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
