Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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