Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
