my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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