uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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