I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
