If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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