i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
