I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
