So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
