there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There r osticjed everywhere
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
