Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
