I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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