halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
