One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize