He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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