so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
